Post by Paul Hogan on Apr 3, 2005 3:16:09 GMT -5
Essential additions for the workplace vocabulary:
404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. "Don't bother asking him...he's 404, man."
ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
ALPHA GEEK The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here."
AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.
A$$MOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
BEEPILEPSY The brief seizure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence.
BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
BLOWING YOUR BUFFER Losing one's train of thought. Occurs when the person you are speaking with won't let you get a word in edgewise or has just said something so astonishing that your train gets derailed. "d**n, I just blew my buffer!"
BOOKMARK To take note of a person for future reference (a metaphor borrowed from web browsers). "I bookmarked him after seeing his cool demo at Siggraph."
BRAIN FART A byproduct of a bloated mind producing information effortlessly. A burst of useful information. "I know you're busy on the Microsoft story, but can you give us a brain fart on the Mitnik bust?" Variation of old hacker slang that had more negative connotations.
CARPERPETUATION (kar'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
CAREER-LIMITING MOVE (CLM) Used among microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.
CGI JOE A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and charisma of a plastic action figure.
CHIP JEWELRY A euphemism for old computers destined to be scrapped or turned into decorative ornaments. "I paid three grand for that Mac SE, and now it's nothing but chip jewelry." Also known as "Paper Weights", "Boat Anchors" or "Papper Weights"
COBWEB SITE A World Wide Web Site that hasn't been updated for a long time. A dead web page.
CRAPPLET A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. "I just wasted 30 minutes downloading this stinkin' crapplet!"
CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles. See alsoPRAIRIE DOGGING:
DEAD TREE EDITION The paper version of a publication available in both paper and electronic forms, as in: "The dead tree edition of the San Francisco Chronicle..."
DILLBERTED To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."
DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lolly) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.
DORUTI SYNDROME Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content. "I just spent six hours surfing the Web, and now I've got a bad case of Dorito Syndrome."
EGOSURFING Scanning the net, databases, print media, or research papers looking for the mention of your name.
ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a lecture/movie theater.
ELVIS YEAR The peak year of something's popularity. "Barney the dinosaur's Elvis year was 1993."
FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dustpan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions.
GLAZING Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open. A popular pastime at conferences and early-morning meetings. "Didn't he notice that half the room was glazing by the second session?"
GRAY MATTER Older, experienced business people hired by young entrepreneurial firms looking to appear more reputable and established.
GRAYBAR LAND The place you go while you're staring at a computer that's processing something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar creep across the screen). "I was in graybar land for what seemed like hours, thanks to that CAD rendering."
IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying out you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example. Bill Clinton's Grand Jury testimony is another
IT'S A FEATURE Taken from the adage "It's not a bug, it's a feature." Used sarcastically to describe an unpleasant experience that you wish to gloss over.
KEYBOARD PLAQUE The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards. "Are there any other terminals I can use? This one has a bad case of keyboard plaque."
LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.
LINK ROT The process by which links on a web page became as obsolete as the sites they're connected to change location or die.
MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
NYETSCAPE Nickname for AOL's less-than-full-featured Web browser.
OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake
OPEN-COLLOR WORKERS People who work at home or telecommute.
PEPPIER (peph ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.
PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
PLUG-AND-PLAY A new hire who doesn't need any training. "The new guy, John, is great. He's totally plug-and-play."
PUPKUS (pup'kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the XXXX (crap) out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. See also CUBE FARM
SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
SQUIRT THE BIRD To transmit a signal up to a satellite. "Crew and talent are ready...what time do we squirt the bird?"
SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
STARTER MARRIAGE: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.
STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
SWIPEOUT: An ATM, Credit Card or Pass Card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
TELECRASTINATIONEXT (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.
T.L.A. (Three Letter Acronyms) Many companies use these inplace of their names ANZ, ABC, NBA and so on. Leading to the phrase "Never use T.L.A.s"
TOURISTS People who are taking training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had about three serious students in the class; the rest were tourists."
UNDER MOUSE ARREST Getting busted for violating an online service's rule of conduct. "Sorry I couldn't get back to you. AOL put me under mouse arrest."
VULCAN NERVE PINCH: The taxing hand position required to reach all the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the arm reboot for Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control Key, the Command Key, the Return Key, and the Power On key. For Windows it's Ctrl, Alt, Delete simultaneously.
WORLD WIDE WAIT The real meaning of WWW.
XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. "Don't bother asking him...he's 404, man."
ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
ALPHA GEEK The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here."
AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.
A$$MOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
BEEPILEPSY The brief seizure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence.
BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
BLOWING YOUR BUFFER Losing one's train of thought. Occurs when the person you are speaking with won't let you get a word in edgewise or has just said something so astonishing that your train gets derailed. "d**n, I just blew my buffer!"
BOOKMARK To take note of a person for future reference (a metaphor borrowed from web browsers). "I bookmarked him after seeing his cool demo at Siggraph."
BRAIN FART A byproduct of a bloated mind producing information effortlessly. A burst of useful information. "I know you're busy on the Microsoft story, but can you give us a brain fart on the Mitnik bust?" Variation of old hacker slang that had more negative connotations.
CARPERPETUATION (kar'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
CAREER-LIMITING MOVE (CLM) Used among microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.
CGI JOE A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and charisma of a plastic action figure.
CHIP JEWELRY A euphemism for old computers destined to be scrapped or turned into decorative ornaments. "I paid three grand for that Mac SE, and now it's nothing but chip jewelry." Also known as "Paper Weights", "Boat Anchors" or "Papper Weights"
COBWEB SITE A World Wide Web Site that hasn't been updated for a long time. A dead web page.
CRAPPLET A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. "I just wasted 30 minutes downloading this stinkin' crapplet!"
CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles. See alsoPRAIRIE DOGGING:
DEAD TREE EDITION The paper version of a publication available in both paper and electronic forms, as in: "The dead tree edition of the San Francisco Chronicle..."
DILLBERTED To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."
DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lolly) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.
DORUTI SYNDROME Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content. "I just spent six hours surfing the Web, and now I've got a bad case of Dorito Syndrome."
EGOSURFING Scanning the net, databases, print media, or research papers looking for the mention of your name.
ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a lecture/movie theater.
ELVIS YEAR The peak year of something's popularity. "Barney the dinosaur's Elvis year was 1993."
FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dustpan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions.
GLAZING Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open. A popular pastime at conferences and early-morning meetings. "Didn't he notice that half the room was glazing by the second session?"
GRAY MATTER Older, experienced business people hired by young entrepreneurial firms looking to appear more reputable and established.
GRAYBAR LAND The place you go while you're staring at a computer that's processing something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar creep across the screen). "I was in graybar land for what seemed like hours, thanks to that CAD rendering."
IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying out you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example. Bill Clinton's Grand Jury testimony is another
IT'S A FEATURE Taken from the adage "It's not a bug, it's a feature." Used sarcastically to describe an unpleasant experience that you wish to gloss over.
KEYBOARD PLAQUE The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards. "Are there any other terminals I can use? This one has a bad case of keyboard plaque."
LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.
LINK ROT The process by which links on a web page became as obsolete as the sites they're connected to change location or die.
MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
NYETSCAPE Nickname for AOL's less-than-full-featured Web browser.
OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake
OPEN-COLLOR WORKERS People who work at home or telecommute.
PEPPIER (peph ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.
PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
PLUG-AND-PLAY A new hire who doesn't need any training. "The new guy, John, is great. He's totally plug-and-play."
PUPKUS (pup'kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the XXXX (crap) out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. See also CUBE FARM
SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
SQUIRT THE BIRD To transmit a signal up to a satellite. "Crew and talent are ready...what time do we squirt the bird?"
SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
STARTER MARRIAGE: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.
STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
SWIPEOUT: An ATM, Credit Card or Pass Card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
TELECRASTINATIONEXT (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.
T.L.A. (Three Letter Acronyms) Many companies use these inplace of their names ANZ, ABC, NBA and so on. Leading to the phrase "Never use T.L.A.s"
TOURISTS People who are taking training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had about three serious students in the class; the rest were tourists."
UNDER MOUSE ARREST Getting busted for violating an online service's rule of conduct. "Sorry I couldn't get back to you. AOL put me under mouse arrest."
VULCAN NERVE PINCH: The taxing hand position required to reach all the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the arm reboot for Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control Key, the Command Key, the Return Key, and the Power On key. For Windows it's Ctrl, Alt, Delete simultaneously.
WORLD WIDE WAIT The real meaning of WWW.
XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.