Post by Paul Hogan on Jun 8, 2006 8:38:11 GMT -5
IN GENERAL
1. Never take adult beverages to a job interview
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them
3. It’s considered tacky to take a cooler to church
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it’s time to change the sheets
5. Even if you are certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home
DINING OUT
1. When decanting wine. Make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to “bruise” the fruit of the vine
2. If you drink from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by the taxidermist
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table… no matter how good his manners are
PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one’s OWN truck keys
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you are alone, deodorant is a waste of good money
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract form a woman’s jewellery and alter the taste of finger foods
DAITING (Outside the Family)
1. Always offer to bait your date’s hook, especially on the first date
2. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00pm; Others might say “Monday.” If the latter is the answer, it is the mans responsibility to get her to school on time
THEATRE ETIQUETTE
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have shown they cant hear you
WEDDINGS
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot,
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable say “yes” to shoes and socks for this special occasion.
DRIVING ETIQUITE
1. Dim your lights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tyres has right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back more adult beverages.
5. Do not “burn rubber” while travelling in a funeral procession.
1. Never take adult beverages to a job interview
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them
3. It’s considered tacky to take a cooler to church
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it’s time to change the sheets
5. Even if you are certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home
DINING OUT
1. When decanting wine. Make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to “bruise” the fruit of the vine
2. If you drink from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by the taxidermist
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table… no matter how good his manners are
PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one’s OWN truck keys
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you are alone, deodorant is a waste of good money
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract form a woman’s jewellery and alter the taste of finger foods
DAITING (Outside the Family)
1. Always offer to bait your date’s hook, especially on the first date
2. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00pm; Others might say “Monday.” If the latter is the answer, it is the mans responsibility to get her to school on time
THEATRE ETIQUETTE
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have shown they cant hear you
WEDDINGS
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot,
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable say “yes” to shoes and socks for this special occasion.
DRIVING ETIQUITE
1. Dim your lights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tyres has right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back more adult beverages.
5. Do not “burn rubber” while travelling in a funeral procession.