Post by Paul Hogan on Mar 28, 2005 23:05:05 GMT -5
Ever have a really BAD blind date? ? ?
Here are some helpful hints to make sure they will never come back for another one!
Wipe your nose on your date's sleeve.
At dinner, hunch over your plate and guard it with your fork and steak knife, so as to give the impression that you'll stab anyone who reaches for it.
Read a newspaper or book during dinner.
Ignore your date.
Twitch spastically. If asked about it, pretend you don't know what they are talking about.
Ask for crayons to color the placemat. This works very well in fancy restaurants that use linen tablecloths.
Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs when your date begins talking about themselves.
Without asking, eat off your date's plate. Eat more from their plate than they do.
Ask the people at the neighboring table for food from their plates.
Beg your date to tattoo your name in a heart on their derriere.
Keep bringing the subject up.
Keep asking your date how much money they have with them.
Lick your plate.
Offer to lick theirs.
Upon entering the restaurant, ask for a seat away from the windows, where you have a good view of all exits, and where you can keep your back to the wall.
Act nervous.
Fill your pockets with sugar packets, as well as salt and peppershakers, silverware, and anything else that isn't nailed down.
Discuss boils, lesions, and unmentionable diseases, as if from personal experience.
Order beef tongue or phallic-shaped food items.
Make lewd comparisons or comments.
Break wind loudly. Add color commentary.
Sniff carefully and describe the smell.
Feed your imaginary friends or toy dolls that you have brought along.
Hide under the table. Take your plate with you!
[glow=red,2,300]HAPPY DATING![/glow]
Here are some helpful hints to make sure they will never come back for another one!
Wipe your nose on your date's sleeve.
At dinner, hunch over your plate and guard it with your fork and steak knife, so as to give the impression that you'll stab anyone who reaches for it.
Read a newspaper or book during dinner.
Ignore your date.
Twitch spastically. If asked about it, pretend you don't know what they are talking about.
Ask for crayons to color the placemat. This works very well in fancy restaurants that use linen tablecloths.
Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs when your date begins talking about themselves.
Without asking, eat off your date's plate. Eat more from their plate than they do.
Ask the people at the neighboring table for food from their plates.
Beg your date to tattoo your name in a heart on their derriere.
Keep bringing the subject up.
Keep asking your date how much money they have with them.
Lick your plate.
Offer to lick theirs.
Upon entering the restaurant, ask for a seat away from the windows, where you have a good view of all exits, and where you can keep your back to the wall.
Act nervous.
Fill your pockets with sugar packets, as well as salt and peppershakers, silverware, and anything else that isn't nailed down.
Discuss boils, lesions, and unmentionable diseases, as if from personal experience.
Order beef tongue or phallic-shaped food items.
Make lewd comparisons or comments.
Break wind loudly. Add color commentary.
Sniff carefully and describe the smell.
Feed your imaginary friends or toy dolls that you have brought along.
Hide under the table. Take your plate with you!
[glow=red,2,300]HAPPY DATING![/glow]