Post by Paul Hogan on Jan 14, 2007 21:24:38 GMT -5
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, Police clearance, References from at least 3 reputable persons and current medical report from your doctor.
1. NAME _________________________ DATE OF BIRTH _____________
2. HEIGHT ____________________ WEIGHT __________ I.Q _______
G.P.A.___________
3. TAX FILE # _______________ DRIVERS LICENSE # _____________
4. BOY SCOUT RANK___________________________________________
5. HOME ADDRESS ____________________________ CITY_____________
STATE ___________ POST CODE _________
6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?_____________________
If No., EXPLAIN ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
7. Number of years your parents have been married ________
8. Do you own a van? ___________ A truck with oversized tires? ______
A waterbed? ____________
9. Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? A tattoo__________
(If "yes" to any of #8 or #9, discontinue application and leave premises quickly, very quickly keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised)
10. In 50 words or less, what does “LATE” mean to you? ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
11. In 50 words or lest, what does “DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTZ” mean to you? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
12. In 50 words or less, what does “ABSTINENCE” mean to you?
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
13. Church you attend __________________
How often do you attend _______________________
14. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? _________________________
15. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential
(That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)
a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is __________________________________________________________________________________________________________
b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my
______________________________________________________________________________________
c) A woman's place is in the
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her Is
____________________________________________________________________________________________
(NOTE: If your answer begins with “T”, “B” or “A”, discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)
16. What do you want to be IF you grow up?
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECTTO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
________________________________________
Signature (That means your name, moron)
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it would cause you injury.) if your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases (You might want to watch your back).
1. NAME _________________________ DATE OF BIRTH _____________
2. HEIGHT ____________________ WEIGHT __________ I.Q _______
G.P.A.___________
3. TAX FILE # _______________ DRIVERS LICENSE # _____________
4. BOY SCOUT RANK___________________________________________
5. HOME ADDRESS ____________________________ CITY_____________
STATE ___________ POST CODE _________
6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?_____________________
If No., EXPLAIN ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
7. Number of years your parents have been married ________
8. Do you own a van? ___________ A truck with oversized tires? ______
A waterbed? ____________
9. Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? A tattoo__________
(If "yes" to any of #8 or #9, discontinue application and leave premises quickly, very quickly keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised)
10. In 50 words or less, what does “LATE” mean to you? ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
11. In 50 words or lest, what does “DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTZ” mean to you? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
12. In 50 words or less, what does “ABSTINENCE” mean to you?
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
13. Church you attend __________________
How often do you attend _______________________
14. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? _________________________
15. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential
(That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)
a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is __________________________________________________________________________________________________________
b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my
______________________________________________________________________________________
c) A woman's place is in the
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her Is
____________________________________________________________________________________________
(NOTE: If your answer begins with “T”, “B” or “A”, discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)
16. What do you want to be IF you grow up?
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECTTO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
________________________________________
Signature (That means your name, moron)
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it would cause you injury.) if your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases (You might want to watch your back).