Post by Paul Hogan on Oct 28, 2006 18:50:39 GMT -5
What MEN Say...
and What They MEAN![/color][/size]
Have you ever asked what men are really thinking when they say the things they do? Well now is your opportunity to answer that very question...
What he says: ""Let's take your car."
What he MEANS: "My car is so full of trash there's no room to sit, smells like old tacos and socks, and is completely out of gas."
What he says: " "It's a guy thing."
What he MEANS: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical. So don't even try."
What he says: ""It would take too long to explain."
What he MEANS: "I have no idea how it works."
What he says: ""I'm getting more exercise lately."
What he MEANS: "The batteries in the remote are dead."
What he says: ""I don't need to read the instructions."
What he MEANS: "I am perfectly capable of messing it up without printed help."
What he says: ""We're going to be late."
What he MEANS: "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
What he says: ""Good idea."
What he MEANS: "It'll never work, and I'll get to spend the rest of the day gloating."
What he says: ""Have you lost weight?"
What he MEANS: "I've just spent our last fifty bucks on a cordless drill."
What he says: ""My wife doesn't understand me."
What he MEANS: "She's heard all my stories before, and she's tired of them."
What he says: " "You cook just like my mother."
What he MEANS: "She used the smoke detector as a cooking timer, too."
What he says: " "I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."
What he MEANS: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."
What he says: ""Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
What he MEANS: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
What he says: " "That's interesting, dear."
What he MEANS: "Huh, are you still talking?"
What he says: ""Honey we don't need material things to prove our love."
What he MEANS: "I forgot our anniversary again."
What he says: " "It's a really good movie."
What he MEANS: "It's got guns, explosions, fast cars, and boobs."
What he says: ""Will you marry me?"
What he MEANS: "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find any clean clothes, and there's nothing left in the fridge but two beers and a piece of leftover pizza."
What he says: ""But I hate shopping."
What he MEANS: "But I hate standing outside the dressing room holding your purse."
What he says: ""I left plenty of gas in the car."
What he MEANS: "At least enough to get it to start."
What he says: ""I do help around the house."
What he MEANS: "I put a dirty towel in the laundry basket just last week."
What he says: ""Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
What he MEANS: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
What he says: ""I heard you."
What he MEANS: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."
What he says: ""That looks terrific."
What he MEANS: "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
What he says: " "I brought you a present."
What he MEANS: "It was free ice scraper night at the ball game."
What he says: " "I missed you."
What he MEANS: "I can't find any socks to wear, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."
What he says: " "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
What he MEANS: "No one will ever see us alive again."
What he says: " "It's really good beer."
What he MEANS: "It was on sale."
What he says: ""I'll fix the garbage disposal later."
What he MEANS: "If I wait long enough you'll get frustrated and let me buy a new one."
What he says: " "I'll take you to a fancy restaurant."
What he MEANS: "Someplace that actually has chairs and plates."
What he says: ""You know how bad my memory is."
What he MEANS: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address and phone number of every girl I ever kissed, and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, and the batting average of the entire National League, but I forgot your birthday."
What he says: ""Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
What he MEANS: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling.
What he says: " "Haven't I seen you before?"
What he MEANS: "Nice ass."
What he says: " "I'm a Romantic."
What he MEANS: "I'm poor."
What he says: ""I need you."
What he MEANS: "My hand is tired."
What he says: ""I am different from all the other guys."
What he MEANS: "I am not circumcised."
What he says: " "I want a commitment."
What he MEANS: "I'm sick of masturbation."
What he says: " "You're the only girl I've ever cared about."
What he MEANS: "You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me."
What he says: ""I really want to get to know you better."
What he MEANS: "So I can tell my friends about it."
What he says: ""It's just orange juice, try it."
What he MEANS: "3 more shots, and she'll have her legs around my head."
What he says: " "She's kinda cute."
What he MEANS: "I wouldn't kick her out of bed but a pillow over the head might be necessary."
What he says: " "I don't know if I like her."
What he MEANS: "She won't sleep with me."
What he says: " "I miss you so much."
What he MEANS: "I am so horny that my male roommate is starting to look good."
What he says: " "Was it good for you?"
What he MEANS: "I'm insecure about my manhood."
What he says: " "How do I compare with all your other boyfriends?"
What he MEANS: "Is my thingy really that small?"
What he says: " "I had a wonderful time last night."
What he MEANS: "Who the hell are you?"
What he says: ""Do you love me?"
What he MEANS: "I've done something stupid and you might find out."
What he says: " "Do you 'really' love me?"
What he MEANS: "I've done something stupid and you're going to find out sooner or later."
What he says: " "How much do you love me?"
What he MEANS: "I've done something really stupid and someone's on their way to tell you by now."
What he says: " "I have something to tell you."
What he MEANS: "Get tested."
What he says: " "I'll give you a call."
What he MEANS: "I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again."
What he says: " "I've been thinking a lot."
What he MEANS: "You're not as attractive as when I was drunk."
What he says: " "I think we should just be friends."
What he MEANS: "You're ugly."
What he says: " "I've learned a lot from you."
What he MEANS: "Next!!!!"
What he says: ""I'm on a long distance call, can you call me later?"
What he MEANS: "I gotta turn on my answering machine."
What he says: " "I'm going fishing."
What he MEANS: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
What he says: " "Woman driver."
What he MEANS: "Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me."
What he says: " "I don't care what color you paint the kitchen."
What he MEANS: "As long as it's not blue, green, pink, red, yellow, lavender,gray, mauve, black, turquoise or any other color besides white."
What he says: " "I got a lot done."
What he MEANS: "I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture."
What he says: " "Hey, I've read all the classics."
What he MEANS: "I've been subscribing to Playboy since 1972."
What he says: " "You expect too much of me."
What he MEANS: "You want me to stay awake."
What he says: ""It's a really good movie."
What he MEANS: "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and Heather Locklear."
What he says: ""That's women's work."
What he MEANS: "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."
What he says: " "Go ask your mother."
What he MEANS: "I am incapable of making a decision."
What he says: " "Football is a man's game."
What he MEANS: "Women are generally too smart to play it."
What he says: " "I can't find it."
What he MEANS: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
What he says: " "What did I do this time?"
What he MEANS: "What did you catch me at?"
What he says: " "What do you mean, you need new clothes?"
What he MEANS: "You just bought new clothes 3 years ago."
What he says: ""She's one of those rabid feminists."
What he MEANS: "She refused to make my coffee."
What he says: ""I'm going to stop off for a quick one with the guys."
What he MEANS: "I am planning on drinking myself into a vegetative stupor with my chest pounding, mouth breathing, with pre-evolutionary companions."
What he says: " "You know I could never love anyone else."
What he MEANS: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
What he says: " "We share the housework."
What he MEANS: "I make the messes, she cleans them up."
What he says: ""This relationship is getting too serious."
What he MEANS: "I like you more than my truck."
What he says: " "I recycle."
What he MEANS: "We could pay the rent with the money from my empties."
What he says: " "Of course I like it, honey, you look beautiful."
What he MEANS: "Oh, man, what have you done to yourself?"
What he says: " "It sure snowed last night."
What he MEANS: "I suppose you're going to nag me about shoveling the walk now."
What he says: ""I broke up with her."
What he MEANS: "She dumped me."
What he says: "I'll take you to a fancy restaurant."
What he MEANS: "Someplace that doesn't have a drive-thru window."
and What They MEAN![/color][/size]
Have you ever asked what men are really thinking when they say the things they do? Well now is your opportunity to answer that very question...
What he says: ""Let's take your car."
What he MEANS: "My car is so full of trash there's no room to sit, smells like old tacos and socks, and is completely out of gas."
What he says: " "It's a guy thing."
What he MEANS: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical. So don't even try."
What he says: ""It would take too long to explain."
What he MEANS: "I have no idea how it works."
What he says: ""I'm getting more exercise lately."
What he MEANS: "The batteries in the remote are dead."
What he says: ""I don't need to read the instructions."
What he MEANS: "I am perfectly capable of messing it up without printed help."
What he says: ""We're going to be late."
What he MEANS: "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
What he says: ""Good idea."
What he MEANS: "It'll never work, and I'll get to spend the rest of the day gloating."
What he says: ""Have you lost weight?"
What he MEANS: "I've just spent our last fifty bucks on a cordless drill."
What he says: ""My wife doesn't understand me."
What he MEANS: "She's heard all my stories before, and she's tired of them."
What he says: " "You cook just like my mother."
What he MEANS: "She used the smoke detector as a cooking timer, too."
What he says: " "I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."
What he MEANS: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."
What he says: ""Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
What he MEANS: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
What he says: " "That's interesting, dear."
What he MEANS: "Huh, are you still talking?"
What he says: ""Honey we don't need material things to prove our love."
What he MEANS: "I forgot our anniversary again."
What he says: " "It's a really good movie."
What he MEANS: "It's got guns, explosions, fast cars, and boobs."
What he says: ""Will you marry me?"
What he MEANS: "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find any clean clothes, and there's nothing left in the fridge but two beers and a piece of leftover pizza."
What he says: ""But I hate shopping."
What he MEANS: "But I hate standing outside the dressing room holding your purse."
What he says: ""I left plenty of gas in the car."
What he MEANS: "At least enough to get it to start."
What he says: ""I do help around the house."
What he MEANS: "I put a dirty towel in the laundry basket just last week."
What he says: ""Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
What he MEANS: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
What he says: ""I heard you."
What he MEANS: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."
What he says: ""That looks terrific."
What he MEANS: "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
What he says: " "I brought you a present."
What he MEANS: "It was free ice scraper night at the ball game."
What he says: " "I missed you."
What he MEANS: "I can't find any socks to wear, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."
What he says: " "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
What he MEANS: "No one will ever see us alive again."
What he says: " "It's really good beer."
What he MEANS: "It was on sale."
What he says: ""I'll fix the garbage disposal later."
What he MEANS: "If I wait long enough you'll get frustrated and let me buy a new one."
What he says: " "I'll take you to a fancy restaurant."
What he MEANS: "Someplace that actually has chairs and plates."
What he says: ""You know how bad my memory is."
What he MEANS: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address and phone number of every girl I ever kissed, and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, and the batting average of the entire National League, but I forgot your birthday."
What he says: ""Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
What he MEANS: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling.
What he says: " "Haven't I seen you before?"
What he MEANS: "Nice ass."
What he says: " "I'm a Romantic."
What he MEANS: "I'm poor."
What he says: ""I need you."
What he MEANS: "My hand is tired."
What he says: ""I am different from all the other guys."
What he MEANS: "I am not circumcised."
What he says: " "I want a commitment."
What he MEANS: "I'm sick of masturbation."
What he says: " "You're the only girl I've ever cared about."
What he MEANS: "You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me."
What he says: ""I really want to get to know you better."
What he MEANS: "So I can tell my friends about it."
What he says: ""It's just orange juice, try it."
What he MEANS: "3 more shots, and she'll have her legs around my head."
What he says: " "She's kinda cute."
What he MEANS: "I wouldn't kick her out of bed but a pillow over the head might be necessary."
What he says: " "I don't know if I like her."
What he MEANS: "She won't sleep with me."
What he says: " "I miss you so much."
What he MEANS: "I am so horny that my male roommate is starting to look good."
What he says: " "Was it good for you?"
What he MEANS: "I'm insecure about my manhood."
What he says: " "How do I compare with all your other boyfriends?"
What he MEANS: "Is my thingy really that small?"
What he says: " "I had a wonderful time last night."
What he MEANS: "Who the hell are you?"
What he says: ""Do you love me?"
What he MEANS: "I've done something stupid and you might find out."
What he says: " "Do you 'really' love me?"
What he MEANS: "I've done something stupid and you're going to find out sooner or later."
What he says: " "How much do you love me?"
What he MEANS: "I've done something really stupid and someone's on their way to tell you by now."
What he says: " "I have something to tell you."
What he MEANS: "Get tested."
What he says: " "I'll give you a call."
What he MEANS: "I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again."
What he says: " "I've been thinking a lot."
What he MEANS: "You're not as attractive as when I was drunk."
What he says: " "I think we should just be friends."
What he MEANS: "You're ugly."
What he says: " "I've learned a lot from you."
What he MEANS: "Next!!!!"
What he says: ""I'm on a long distance call, can you call me later?"
What he MEANS: "I gotta turn on my answering machine."
What he says: " "I'm going fishing."
What he MEANS: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
What he says: " "Woman driver."
What he MEANS: "Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me."
What he says: " "I don't care what color you paint the kitchen."
What he MEANS: "As long as it's not blue, green, pink, red, yellow, lavender,gray, mauve, black, turquoise or any other color besides white."
What he says: " "I got a lot done."
What he MEANS: "I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture."
What he says: " "Hey, I've read all the classics."
What he MEANS: "I've been subscribing to Playboy since 1972."
What he says: " "You expect too much of me."
What he MEANS: "You want me to stay awake."
What he says: ""It's a really good movie."
What he MEANS: "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and Heather Locklear."
What he says: ""That's women's work."
What he MEANS: "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."
What he says: " "Go ask your mother."
What he MEANS: "I am incapable of making a decision."
What he says: " "Football is a man's game."
What he MEANS: "Women are generally too smart to play it."
What he says: " "I can't find it."
What he MEANS: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
What he says: " "What did I do this time?"
What he MEANS: "What did you catch me at?"
What he says: " "What do you mean, you need new clothes?"
What he MEANS: "You just bought new clothes 3 years ago."
What he says: ""She's one of those rabid feminists."
What he MEANS: "She refused to make my coffee."
What he says: ""I'm going to stop off for a quick one with the guys."
What he MEANS: "I am planning on drinking myself into a vegetative stupor with my chest pounding, mouth breathing, with pre-evolutionary companions."
What he says: " "You know I could never love anyone else."
What he MEANS: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
What he says: " "We share the housework."
What he MEANS: "I make the messes, she cleans them up."
What he says: ""This relationship is getting too serious."
What he MEANS: "I like you more than my truck."
What he says: " "I recycle."
What he MEANS: "We could pay the rent with the money from my empties."
What he says: " "Of course I like it, honey, you look beautiful."
What he MEANS: "Oh, man, what have you done to yourself?"
What he says: " "It sure snowed last night."
What he MEANS: "I suppose you're going to nag me about shoveling the walk now."
What he says: ""I broke up with her."
What he MEANS: "She dumped me."
What he says: "I'll take you to a fancy restaurant."
What he MEANS: "Someplace that doesn't have a drive-thru window."