Post by Paul Hogan on Mar 26, 2005 3:31:28 GMT -5
Because I'm a man... when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I'm a man... when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in.
Because I'm a man... when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." Then we will drink beer.
Because I'm a man... when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.
Because I'm a man... I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by clutching a calculator.
Because I'm a man... I don't think we're lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. How the heck would a complete stranger know where we're going?
Because I'm a man... there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is either sex or food, and it's a pain to have to make up something else when you ask, so don't.
Because I'm a man... I am capable of announcing, "One more beer and I really have to go", and mean it every single time I say it, right up until the bar closes.
Because I'm a man... I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is just fine, I don't need to see it, and don't forget to pick up something for MY mom, too, because I don't have the slightest idea what to get her.
Because I'm a man... you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.
Because I'm a man... I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man... and this is, after all, the 21st Century, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, and the dishes. I'll take care of the yard and the car!
Because I'm a man... when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in.
Because I'm a man... when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." Then we will drink beer.
Because I'm a man... when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.
Because I'm a man... I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by clutching a calculator.
Because I'm a man... I don't think we're lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. How the heck would a complete stranger know where we're going?
Because I'm a man... there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is either sex or food, and it's a pain to have to make up something else when you ask, so don't.
Because I'm a man... I am capable of announcing, "One more beer and I really have to go", and mean it every single time I say it, right up until the bar closes.
Because I'm a man... I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is just fine, I don't need to see it, and don't forget to pick up something for MY mom, too, because I don't have the slightest idea what to get her.
Because I'm a man... you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.
Because I'm a man... I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man... and this is, after all, the 21st Century, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, and the dishes. I'll take care of the yard and the car!